Daily Archives: August 7, 2011

Another Cowboy Story

From Rick Bruno, 71C

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote Pasco pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and
YSL tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, “If I tell you
exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a
calf?”

Bud  looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully
grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to
his Cingular RAZR 3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where
he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds
to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution
photo.

The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been
processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
miniaturized HP Laserjet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, “You have
exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”

“That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,” says
Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your
business is, will you give me back my
calf?”

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”

“You’re an aide in the Obama Administration”, says Bud.=20

“Wow! That’s correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess
that?”

“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here
even  though nobody called you; you want
to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used
millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about how working people make a living, or about cows, for that matter.  This is a herd of sheep. …

Now give me back my dog

Advertisements

Nancy Pelosi is a Saint

From Rick Bruno, 71C

Last Saturday afternoon in  Washington , D C , an aide to
Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi visited the Bishop of the Catholic cathedral.

He told  the Cardinal that Nancy Pelosi would be attending the next day’s
Mass, and he asked if the Cardinal would kindly point out Pelosi  to the
congregation and say a=few words that would include calling Pelosi a saint.

The Cardinal replied, “No. I don’t  really like the woman, and there
are issues of conflict with the Catholic Church over certain of Pelosi’s
views.”

Pelosi’s aide then said, “Look, I’ll write a check here and now for
a  donation of $100,000 to your church if you’ll just tell the
congregation you see Pelosi as a saint.”

The Cardinal thought  about it and said, “Well, the church can use the
money, so I’ll  work your request into tomorrow’s sermon.”

As Pelosi’s aide  promised, House Speaker Pelosi appeared for the Sunday
worship and seated herself prominently at the forward left side of the center
aisle.  As promised, at the start of his sermon, the  Cardinal
pointed out that Speaker Pelosi was present.

The Cardinal went on to explain to the congregation, “While Speaker
Pelosi’s presence is probably an honor to some, the woman is not
numbered among my personal favorite personages. Some of her most
egregious views are contrary to tenets of the Church, and she  tends to
flip- flop on many other issues. Nancy Pelosi is a petty, self -absorbed
hypocrite, a thumb sucker, and a nit-wit.  Nancy Pelosi is also a serial
liar, a cheat, and a thief.  I must  say, Nancy Pelosi is the
worst example of a Catholic I have ever personally witnessed.  She married
for money and is using her  wealth to lie to the American people. She also
has a reputation  for shirking her Representative obligations both in
Washington, and in California.  The woman is simply not to be
trusted.”

The Cardinal concluded, “But, when compared with President  Obama,
House Speaker Pelosi is a saint.”

Gosh, I love Catholics!