Monthly Archives: September 2011

Hunting Season

 

Saturday

1:00 A.M. Alarm clock rings.

2:00 A.M. Hunting partners arrive, drags you out of bed.

2:30 A.M. Throw everything but kitchen sink in camper.

3:00 A.M. Leave for deep woods.

3:15 A.M. Drive back home and get gun.

3:30  A.M. Drive like mad to get to woods before daylight.

4:00 A.M. Set up camp — forgot the sleeping tent.

4:30 A.M. Head into woods.

6:05 A.M. See eight deer.

6:06 A.M. Take aim and squeeze trigger.

6:07 A.M. “CLICK”

6:08 A.M. Load gun, while watching deer go over hill.

8:00 A.M. Head back to camp.

9:00 A.M. Still looking for camp.

10:00 A.M. Realize you don’t know where camp is.

NOON Fire gun for help– eat wild berries.

12:15 P.M. Ran  out of bullets — eight deer come back.

12:20 P.M. Strange feeling in stomach.

12:30 P.M. Realize you ate poison berries.

12:35 P.M. Keep shouting  until you are hoarse.

12:45 P.M. Rescued, rushed to hospital — stomach pumped.

3:00 P.M. Arrive back at camp.

3:30 P.M. Leave camp to kill a deer.

4:00 P.M. Return to camp for bullets.

4:01 P.M. Load gun — leave camp again.

5:00 P.M. Empty gun on squirrel that’s bugging you.

6:00 P.M. Arrive at camp, see deer grazing in camp.

6:01 P.M. Load gun and fire.

6:02 P.M. One dead pick-up truck.

6:04 P.M. Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer.

6:06 P.M. Repress strong desire to shoot partner.

6:07 P.M. Fall into the camp fire.

6:10 P.M. Change clothes — throw burned ones into fire.

6:15 P.M. Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in the woods.

6:25 P.M. Pick-up boils over — hole shot in radiator.

6:26 P.M. Start walking, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud.

6:35 P.M. Meet bear and take aim.

6:37 P.M. Fire gun — blow up barrel, plugged with mud.

6:38 P.M. Very offensive ordor coming from pants.

6:39 P.M. Climb a tree quick.

9:00 P.M. Bear departs — Wrap gun around the tree.

11:00 P.M. Spend 2 hours finding camp, partner, and a way home.

MIDNIGHT Home at last.

Sunday

Watch ball game on TV, while tearing hunting license into little pieces, place them into an envelope and mail to Game Warden with very explicit instructions on  what to do with them.

 

 

 

The Power of Beer

From Larry Bamundo, 71C
A worthwhile reminder to all the guzzlers   out there.
The   power of beer…
A   man who walks into a bar and drinks beer.

Every time he   finishes a glass, he takes a photo out of his pocket, looks at it and ask for   another beer.

After drinking 4 glasses the bartender,   puzzled, asked him why after each beer looks at the   photo.

The man replied that it was the picture of his wife   and when he began to find her pretty, he understood it was time to go   home.

To see an illustrated   example just click   here and move the mouse to the   right.

=

//

// <![CDATA[
var $Config={"BSI":{"enabled":1,"xid":"01a19753-0b33-41c2-8b9b-9bd0590182bd","pn":"MailFolder","rid":"001a18e8ccb","biciPrevious":"01a19753-0b33-41c2-8b9b-9bd0590182bd_001a18e8ccb_5707","BICI":{"fid":"a18e","urlHash":"tf3mO","beaconUrl":"\u002f\u002fh.live.com\u002fc.gif\u003fDI\u003d5707\u0026PS\u003d96689\u0026wlxid\u003d01a19753-0b33-41c2-8b9b-9bd0590182bd\u0026reqid\u003d001a18e8ccb","enableLD":1,"enableGlinkExtra":1,"enableGlinkCall":1},"SBSPLT":{"rt":"634519649013530042","render":0,"enabled":0},"CSIPerf":{"enabled":1,"page":{"landingPageName":"","timeStamp":""},"IDSS":{"enabled":1},"WLXFD":{"enabled":1},"Trace":{"enabled":1},"jsVersion":"16.0.1823.0824"},"Watson":{"enabled":1,"sr":100}},"build":"16.0.1823","mkt":"en-us","mmn":"co118w.col118.mail.live.com","di":5707,"prop":"WC.Hotmail","sd":".live.com","hn":"co118w.col118.mail.live.com","dl":1,"d":"live.com","Ssl":{"d":1},"WebIM":{"delay":7000,"u":"https\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002fN4AGNrfi3Dhv9tELZE8B9Q\u002f","uf":"loader.cxp.js","j":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fjs.wlxrs.com\u002fdu6otbN9efmNm2loB3JG7A\u002fWebIMUI.js","a":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fjs.wlxrs.com\u002fp3thgH3lIvvR\u0021HcPEsydlPP-B3Yux36p4v6RwLOg8AVs0Lxcf2rqcs6ECdJWMTBI5vLUlECyv2H5ArBpfBnDGdg84CBc3jXciJwhGzxWMAjTkYvp25OgSPaZqgHajpEhcz9Yr2moX3bz8orEw8QzsN2BWimR-X\u0021v\u002fWebIMStr.js","c":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fcss.wlxrs.com\u002fHCnYUmZnOpXsBCt8gqtn1rktVWrfYec2blbDkHB4GpDWOu\u00213jCsnOsNHl0m4ts6eKFiEy10etIROLrdNS\u0021351g\u002fBase\u002f16.0.1859\u002fNYKpPzcj59cwlx_webimui.css\u003fZfDHJ0dwkwrfIMoja3-R7w","n":"Messenger on the web","so3":"Someone on \u007b0\u007d","imgBase":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002f\u0024live.controls.images\u002f","can":"iRMUB2dmDshyNDA7Kb\u002f2DJ4V1SAZP7EUbul\u002bNvJbfKE\u003d6","fmcan":"bdrUix038nIiTFKsGcDQhZMjWUHgJhVJTa6u2ZAEHbs\u003d6","pi":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fprofile.live.com\u002fcid-414dbeee686dbea3\u002finvites","pd":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fprofile.live.com\u002fcid-414dbeee686dbea3\u002fdetails","af":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fprofile.live.com\u002fhome\u002fconnect\u002f","sms":1},"WS":{"SL":{"url":"http\u003a\u002f\u002flink.live.net\u002f"}},"Preload":{"View":"Hotmail.InboxNoCompose","DelayMs":8000},"Themes":{"baseUrl":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fcss.wlxrs.com\u002fHCnYUmZnOpXsBCt8gqtn1rktVWrfYec2UtmlnqQF27J3uZb3YfuaflFPvJGv\u0021rdMZxUhaTiXX0cINfIpz-s3sQ\u002f","current":"base","version":"16.0.1859","url":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fcss.wlxrs.com\u002fHCnYUmZnOpXsBCt8gqtn1rktVWrfYec2UtmlnqQF27J3uZb3YfuaflFPvJGv\u0021rdMZxUhaTiXX0cINfIpz-s3sQ\u002fbase\u002f16.0.1859\u002f","genService":"\u002fHandlers\u002fThemeCss.mvc\u003ftheme\u003d\u007bthemeid\u007d\u0026version\u003d\u007bversion\u007d","uniqueServiceParams":"CSSTemplates\u003ddefault\u00252cie\u0026IsRTL\u003dFalse\u0026LangDirection\u003dltr\u0026Left\u003dleft\u0026Right\u003dright\u0026IsMobile\u003dFalse\u0026IsBirthday\u003dFalse\u0026Weather\u003dClear\u0026TimeOfDay\u003d12","ThemeService":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fssw.live.com\u002flfe\u002fLive.Gateway.Themes\u002fthemewriter.aspx\u003fcanary\u003dvS\u00252f\u00252blJkS6k9pad05yrPEBVsInHK\u00252fjS8QO8WJTnyleN0\u00253d6","ThemeJSParms":"\u003fcid\u003d414dbeee686dbea3\u0026mkt\u003den-us"},"AjaxHistory":{"id":"ah_frame","state":{"fid":"1","fav":"1","n":"1136742368"}},"Header":{"baseUrl":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fjs.wlxrs.com\u002fdu6otbN9efmNm2loB3JG7A\u002f","MailLink":"\u002fmail\u002fInboxLight.aspx\u003fn\u003d2132770012","HomeLink":"\u002fmail\u002fhome.mvc\u003fn\u003d1060001862\u0026livecom\u003d1","ContactsLink":"\u002fmail\u002fContactMainLight.aspx\u003fn\u003d465857624","ComposeLink":"\u002fmail\u002fEditMessageLight.aspx\u003fn\u003d1089998758","HotmailDomain":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fco118w.col118.mail.live.com","OldHotmailDomain":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fmail.live.com","OldHomeDomain":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fhome.live.com","SwitchLinkedIdUrl":"https\u003a\u002f\u002flogin.live.com\u002flogin.srf\u003fwa\u003dwsignin1.0\u0026rpsnv\u003d11\u0026ct\u003d1316368101\u0026rver\u003d6.1.6206.0\u0026wp\u003dMBI\u0026wreply\u003dhttp\u003a\u00252F\u00252Fco118w.col118.mail.live.com\u00252Fdefault.aspx\u00253Frru\u00253Dinbox\u0026lc\u003d1033\u0026id\u003d64855","MemberName":"tzicarelli\u0040hotmail.com","SwitchIdString":"Sign in as \u007b0\u007d","CurrentIdString":"Currently signed in as \u007b0\u007d","LinkedIdUrl":"https\u003a\u002f\u002flogin.live.com\u002fGetLinkAcctsInfo.srf\u003flinkh\u003d1392639\u0026linkl\u003d2149941092\u0026linkct\u003d42029598\u0026js\u003d1"},"email":"tzicarelli\u0040hotmail.com","hcid":"414dbeee686dbea3"};var HmThemes={"themeWriterUrl":"\u002fmail\u002fOptionsWriter.aspx\u003fn\u003d861645810\u0026mt\u003d01_38821e7c42e502170dc4f261dea4269f216316928e0b336f439622e0117bae43\u00257cd062c9fbab479f27\u0026ThemeId\u003d"};var $SBC={"utfb":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002f\u0024live.controls.images\u002fic\u002fbluemann.png","imgsBase":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002f\u0024live.controls.images\u002f","sendEmail":"Send email","searchEmail":"Search email","sendMsg":"Send message","viewPhotos":"View photos","canary":"1wW7VnyFmY4BtGdgADOMI7iV1L7C5RH5c9AdZE5UG\u002f4\u003d0","ufs":"\u002fmail\u002fsearch.mvc","prof":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fprofile.live.com\u002fcid-\u007b0\u007d\u002f","bingAuto":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fapi.search.live.net\u002fqson.aspx","bingUrl":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fbing.com\u002fsearch","homeSerp":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fhome.live.com\u002fsearch","queryInterval":50,"bgImage":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002f\u0024live.controls.images\u002fsb\u002fbingLogo.png","https":0,"bingSupport":1,"emailFrom":"Search email from","emailTo":"Search email sent to","emailHead":"Search email","from":"from\u003a","to":"to\u003a","subject":"subject\u003a","max":10,"bgLoadDelay":50,"bingSearch":0,"ldImg":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fsecure.wlxrs.com\u002f\u0024live.controls.images\u002fwn\u002fprogress_loading_2.gif","sendEmailLink":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fmail.live.com\u002f\u003frru\u003dcompose\u00253faction\u00253dcompose\u002526to\u00253d\u007baddress\u007d\u0026ru\u003d\u007bru\u007d","dateOffset":7,"lt":10000,"profDet":"http\u003a\u002f\u002fprofile.live.com\u002fcid-414dbeee686dbea3\u002fdetails\u003fcontactid\u003d\u007b0\u007d","docsAction":"https\u003a\u002f\u002fcid-414dbeee686dbea3.skydrive.live.com\u002fredir.aspx\u003fpage\u003d\u007b0\u007d\u0026resid\u003d\u007b1\u007d","docsEdit":"Edit in browser","docsProperty":"View properties","firstHead":"Search email","secondHead":"","bingHead":"Search the web"};function SM_Check(h,i){var g=h.split("."),e=window,c=window["$Config"],b=c&&c.BSI,a=b&&b.Watson,d,f;while(g.length&&!!(e=e[g.shift()]));if(!e){document.write('”);if(a&&a.enabled)try{d=”//”+c.hn+”/handlers/Watson.mvc”;if(a.url)d=a.url;f=new Image;d+=”?xid=”+b.xid+”&rid=”+b.rid+”&di=”+c.di+”&pn=”+b.pn+”&mmn=”+c.mmn+”&ec=54&msg=”+h+”&sr=”+a.sr;f.src=d;(SM_Check.i=SM_Check.i||[]).push(f)}catch(j){}}};
// ]]>

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

//

// c){e=j;f=i(m*(j/l));n=-i((f-k)/2)}else{f=k;e=i(l*(k/m));o=-i((e-j)/2)}var h=a.style;if(e&&f){h.width=f+”px”;h.height=e+”px”;h.left=n+”px”;h.top=o+”px”}}a.style.visibility=””}catch(p){}};
// ]]>

{3}
{0}
Favorite
{2}
{0}
{0}

{3}
{0}
{2}

//

//  

 

//  

< img src=”http://b.scorecardresearch.com/b?c1=2&c2=3000001&c3=&c4=wlhotm&c5=&c6=&c15=&cv=1.3&cj=1&#8243; style=”display:none” width=”0″ height=”0″ alt=”” /> 

// <![CDATA[
(function(){var a=window,b=a.setTimeout,h=a.jQuery,g=a.Loader={},k=$B.IE,i=$B.Firefox,d=false,j="css",f="js",c=null,e={loaded:1,complete:1};g.dispose=function l(){d=true};g.load=function m(v,u,q,C){if(y()||!(v||u))return;var g=[],m=[],l=[],p=[],B=false,w=_d.getElementsByTagName("script")[0],x=w.parentNode,A,t="",o={},D=0,z=30,M=+new Date,H=15000;function L(){if(h.type(C)==="function")C();if(a.$WebWatson){var b=h.isFunction(q)?q.toString():"undef";t="LOADER:[cb:"+b.substring(0,50)+"][css:"+(v?v.length:0)+" js:"+(u?u.length:0)+"]"+"[i:"+I()+"][d:"+t+"]";a.$WebWatson.submit(t,"loader.ijs",c,c,62831,c,c,true)}}l.push(b(L,H));function I(){var a=[];for(var b in o)a.push(b+"-"+o[b]);return a.join(":")}function n(a){o[a]=o[a]?o[a]+1:1}E(j,v);E(f,u);A=a.setInterval(function(){s()},50);function y(){if(d)G();return d}function E(b,d){if(b&&d)for(var c=0;cz){n(“totchk”);z=z+30;if(g.length){n(“execodr”);var a=g[0].u;a=a.length>35?a.substring(a.length-30):a;t=””+(+new Date-M)+”ms,”+g.length+”,”+a}}if(!g.length){G();b(function(){if(q&&typeof q===”function”)q()},10)}else if(m.length&&m.indexOf(g[0].u)!==-1){var c=g[0].t,a=g[0].u;m.splice(m.indexOf(a),1);N(c,a)}}}}function G(){B=true;if(l){var d=l.length;while(d–)a.clearTimeout(l[d])}if(A)a.clearInterval(A);if(p){var e=p.length;while(e–){var b=p[e];if(b)b.onload=b.onerror=b.onreadystatechange=c}}g=m=l=p=w=x=c}function N(g,c){function d(){J(c);s()}var a;if(g===f){a=_ce(“script”);r(a);a.type=”text/javascript”;if(!a.readyState)a.readyState=”complete”;a.onload=a.onreadystatechange=function(){var b=a.readyState;if(b&&e[b])d()};a.src=c}else{a=_ce(“link”);a.type=”text/css”;a.rel=”StyleSheet”;l.push(b(d,10));a.href=c}F(a)}function F(a){x.insertBefore(a,w)}function J(b){for(var a=0;a

// 0){var b=[];for(var c=0;c

/handlers/resourcespreload.mvc?bicild=&view=Hotmail.InboxNoCompose

Moral of the Story

From Rick Bruno, 71C

Little Johnny watched his daddy’s car pass by the school playground and go into the woods. Curious, he followed the car and saw Daddy and Aunt Jane in a
passionate embrace.

Little Johnny found this so exciting that he could hardly contain himself as he ran home and started to tell his mother. ‘Mummy, I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, and then he helped her take off her shirt..Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane…’

At this point Mummy cut him off and said, ‘Johnny, this is such an interesting story, lets save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on Daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.’

At the dinner table that evening, Mummy asked little Johnny to tell his story Johnny started his story, ‘I was at the playground and I saw Daddy’s car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt.  Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane and Daddy started doing the same thing that Mummy and Uncle Bill used to do when Daddy was away on the oil rigs.’

Mummy fainted!
Moral: Sometimes you need to just shut the f##k up and listen to the whole story before you interrupt!

XXX My New Doctor XXX

From Rick Bruno, 71C

I MET MY NEW DOCTOR!

I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female; drop-dead gorgeous!


I was embarrassed but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before.  Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.  I said,”My wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

Three Kids Fishing

From Rick Bruno, 71C

Barack Obama was out jogging one morning along the parkway when he tripped, fell over the bridge railing, and landed in the creek below.

Before the Secret Service guys could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted.

The first kid said, “I want to go to Disney World”.  Barack said, “No problem, I’ll take you there on Air Force One”.

The second kid said, “I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan shoes”. Barack said, “I’ll get them for you and even have Michael Jordan sign them”.

The third kid said, “I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in TV and stereo headset”.

Barack was a little perplexed by this and said, “but you don’t look like you’re handicapped”.

The kid responds “I will be, after my dad finds out I saved your ass from drowning”.

Movie Test

From Keith Stanton, 69A

Best damn movie of my lifetime——-bar none

_______________________________________________________________________________

A friend sent me a cartoon and it got me to thinking; of the 2,489,335 killed and wounded in all our wars since 1776, how many of them had originally enlisted to defend socialism or redistribute wealth?

Keep America a country where the sweat of your brow and not the size of your outreached hand determines yours and our nations success!

Support our Troops!
Be honest and don’t look at the movie list below till you have done the math!

 Try this test and find out what movie is your favorite.
This amazing math quiz can likely predict which of 18 movies you would enjoy the most.
It really works!
Movie Test:
 Pick a number from 1-9.
 Multiply by 3.

Add 3.

Multiply by 3 again.

 Now add the two digits of your answer together to find your predicted favorite movie in the list of 18 movies below.
 Movie List:

1. Gone With The Wind

2. E.T.

3. Blazing Saddles

4. Star Wars

5. Forrest Gump

6. The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly.

7. Jaws

8. Grease

9. The Obama Farewell Speech of 2012

10. Casablanca

11. Jurassic Park

12. Shrek

13. Pirates of the Caribbean

14. Titanic

15. Raiders Of The Lost Ark

16. Home Alone

17. Mrs. Doubtfire

18. Toy Story

Now, ain’t that something?

Another Spaceship of Wal-Martians Has Landed

From Herb Stepp, Friend of the Forge

When the slide show starts, click in the center and then select Gallery View….makes it easier to see.