Category Archives: Jokes / Comments – Dicey / XXX

XXX My New Doctor XXX

From Rick Bruno, 71C

I MET MY NEW DOCTOR!

I went to the doctor’s office the other day and found out my new doctor is a young female; drop-dead gorgeous!


I was embarrassed but she said, “Don’t worry, I’m a professional – I’ve seen it all before.  Just tell me what’s wrong and I’ll check it out.  I said,”My wife thinks my dick tastes funny.”

XXX BMW Warning XXX

From Rick Bruno, 71C

Important Warning!

Don’t buy BMW cars…

The air-conditioning doesn’t work.

These photos were taken from a bus in France.

 

Seems like the airbags are OK though…..

XXX – Cell Phone Rudeness

From Keith Stanton, 1969

Cell Phone Rudeness

One of my pet peeves is the almost constant use of mobile phones by people while driving, shopping, dining and queuing  at the supermarket etc. Does no one know how to say  ‘I’ll call you back’?  

Well, it has gone beyond that now, with them being used in relaxing getaway places like on the beach.  This is beyond being inconsiderate. While on the beach recently, I had to just sit there and listen to a woman for at least an hour while she talked on her phone and pranced back forth in front of me.  I couldn’t concentrate on my book.

How thoughtless and inconsiderate

I almost got up and moved away!!!

XXX STOP IT B! XXX

From Keith Stanton, 1969

IF YOU ARE OFFENDED BY FOUL LANGUAGE DO NOT OPEN. IF CHILDREN IN THE HOME, LOWER THE VOLUME.

 The language may be salty but it is well worth it. Click on link below:

XXX Looking for a Fishing Buddy??

From Rick Bruno, 71C

Fishing

Top Four Adult Jokes of 2010

From Denny Bell, Friend of the Forge

Top Four Adult Jokes of 2010

Fourth Place:
A man bumps into a woman in a hotel lobby and as he does, his elbow goes into her breast.  They are both quite startled.

The man turns to her and says, ‘Ma’am, if your heart is as soft as your breast, I know you’ll forgive me.’
She replies, ‘If your penis is as hard as your elbow, I’m in room 221..’

———————————————————————————————-
Third Place :

One night, as a couple lays down for bed, the husband starts rubbing his wife’s arm.  The wife turns over and says ‘I’m sorry honey, I’ve got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh..’

The husband, rejected, turns over.  A few minutes later, he rolls back over and taps his wife again.  ‘Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?’
————————————————————————————————

Runner Up:

Bill worked in a pickle factory.   He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion.   He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer.   His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill said he would be too embarrassed.  He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own.
One day a few weeks later, Bill came home and his wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. 
‘What’s wrong, Bill?’ she asked.
‘Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?’
‘Oh, Bill, you didn’t’ she exclaimed.
‘Yes, I did.’ he replied.

‘My God, Bill, what happened?’

‘I got fired.’

‘No, Bill.  I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?’
‘Oh…she got fired too.’
———————————————————————————–

Winner:
A couple had been married for 50 years.
They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, ‘Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.’
‘I know,’ the old man said.  ‘We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..’
‘Well,’ Granny snickered.  ‘Let’s relive some old times.’
Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.
‘You know, honey,’ the little old lady breathlessly replied, ‘My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.’
‘I wouldn’t be surprised,’ replied Gramps.   ‘One’s in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal
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News from Pfizer Corp.

FRom Rick Bruno, 71C

Pfizer Corp. announced today that Viagra
will soon be available in liquid form, and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use as a mixer. It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one. Obviously we can no longer call this a soft drink, and it gives new meaning to the names of “cocktails”, “highballs” and just a good old-fashioned “stiff drink”. Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name
of:

MOUNT & DO.
 Thought for the day: There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer’s research.   This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky
boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.